dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
false alarm, still single
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