It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Boobs are out for the taking
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
