remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
