Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
