My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
