I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
