wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
