that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
