I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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