I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
