I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can Purell be used as lube?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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