so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
