i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
