my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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