I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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