I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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