why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
