So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
