but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
