Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
