Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
