i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
