she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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