Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
