Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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