I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
