That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize