why didn't you poke me back
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
