Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She even gives head with a lisp.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
