I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I need to align my fucking chakras
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