Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
