Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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