....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize