Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize