you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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