Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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