I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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