You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
