last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize