I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
