Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
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