I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He has the fingertips of a God
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