I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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