Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
