Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
