i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
