Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
