Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
