just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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