dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
