I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
