I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just pee around me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
If I die, sorry about rent.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
