chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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