i can't believe i had my finger in that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
