My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
