I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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