he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
