I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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