Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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