K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize