She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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