Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
