sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
