is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
