Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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