either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
